Having to be in control of everything is a recipe to tire you out. Often times people’s want to control everything because they feel safer and/or they just trust themselves more than the other participants. The trick of the enemy is to burn you out so that you can’t even reach your goal on time. When you take on a whole project alone, it’s not saying that you won’t complete, but the time it would take to finish, has now doubled. It requires more of your energy, one that you don’t have to extract alone. It’s almost like, playing football alone against another team, that has 50 players. You will have to consider all the other opponents to cover, in order to win. Or think of Thanks Giving, how much more can be completed, with one person verses 4 people? You can do the math. Control, when done from the wrong place, can delay your entire process.
How would you know you’re being controlling? Well here are some questions to ask yourself. Do you often times feel like you can execute a job, better than the people/person who has offered there assistance? Are you afraid that people won’t measure up to your expectation? Does is feel easier to just complete task yourself?
The job of a CEO is not to do his specified description on top of all his other employees in the companies roll. He/she is to lay the foundation only building it stronger deep rooting it with the assistance of others.
I’m sure you can find an area in your life where your in control but you don’t have to be and it’s only because you find it as a means to protect yourself, meaning your life. What you don’t realize is that your taking control of an area that God wants to have.
I asked my husband “What are the areas that I display control?” He says “Driving, affection, finances” I just listen to what he was saying and why he saw it as control. I didn’t want to say anything because I knew God wanted me to ask this question and just listen, which meant being vulnerable. I didn’t like everything that he said because I was just ready to defend myself and what I thought was right. It was like he pointed the finger and I was ready to point it back. God was trying to helps me in my own struggle. It’s wasn’t based just on Adale asking for me to trust him in these areas. It was God asking for these areas for a bigger cause beyond my own intellect.
Areas Of Control
Driving
I feel safer when I’m the one driving because I didn’t like the way Adale drove simply because it wasn’t my style or what I imagined. I always think of it as I have control over how fast and slow the car goes, when to switch lanes, my life is literally in my own hands. When it’s all in my hands I know the plans I have for me but if I gave it to another driver (Adale in the case) I’m just left to trust and in fact no control at all, We can’t share that seat at the same time. This plays into our marriage in many ways there were certain things I had complete control over when I was single that I had to give up and trust my husband in when we got married. I struggle with allowing him to lead in many ways because I fear he can’t do it the way I do. And the reality is he won’t because he’s not supposed to. There was a huge part of me that had an expectation on him that mimicked my own. Its scary to think that someone can literally be the cause of your “death” by steering you. I know im being a little extreme but I kinda have to take it there. I start to think to myself that I have no problem trusting a complete stranger to fly me across the country in the air over my husband driving me to the corner store. Why is that? Whats the major difference here? To be fully honest I’m still trying to figure that out.
Affection
Now this one may feel like “Can’t I control (a.k.a withhold) my affection? I have to give that up to?” well yes in this case. I wasn’t the type to display PDA (private or public) to be hugged and kissed on felt like an intrusion to my body. I found it really hard to give myself in that way outside of my terms of comfortability and vulnerability. Resorting to this response “ I just don’t want a hug, I don’t want to give one either” so to me I thought I was JUST being honest when in reality it wasn’t JUST that. I was also protecting myself from being hurt and used simply because I saw it this way. If I fully open up myself and do the things that make uneasy then I loose power and you know what “power” is right. To be honest it wasn't the kind of power you need anyway. I used it to control the way my husband wanted to love me and blocked him out from getting to deep because of fear of being hurt and being “dominated” or “used” which (questionable?) I have to ask myself why does that communicate to you(me) as dominating and being used? What I think God is trying to communicate is that our bodies are not our own ? My interpretation to that is. Getting to KNOW your partner has a lot to do with vulnerability and letting go of those opposing self protective thoughts, idea, and actions that only result in you controlling the amount of affection you give based on your FEAR of being intruded. Might I remained myself that God does not see it that way. In marriage we were not made to keep/block our bodies from our husbands, nor are they to do that with us. 1 Corinthians 7:4 Only the devil will lie to you saying to take back “control” over your body and do what you want when you want. My revelation is that God wants us to look at it as KNOWING one another. For those of you that don’t know (knowing in some Bible context communicate as sex). Genesis 4:1. It’s past our human understanding, we would have to think past that. I’m not saying that you should just be “used” Im really coming for the reason why we jump to it being a “used” thing and not a giving to one another what your spouse rightfully has authority over. I am now starting to change my thought life in protecting (controlling) this part of me.
Finances
Though my husband and I have an agreement that I’m pretty good with managing our finances and has given that baton over to me, we still find have struggles of control. In our cases even though I was great with number, I made myself lenient on spending a.k.a I would spend money when I probably shouldn’t but justified it because I “asked” or it was a small purchase (which those add up my friend). Not only was I doing that. I also called him out when he was spent money outside of our agreement Matthew 7:4. To my husband that displayed control, and it was true. It’s not okay to abuse the trust that’s been given to you and then turn around and ask to be trusted, they just don’t work in the same place. I’m learning to keep my word and the same expectation I have for my husband I just need to set on myself or it just becomes a double standard. Taking that responsibility and being aware of my contribution has to be acknowledged or we won’t grow. *mirror check*. Now if I really want to be honest here, I was being pretty manipulative which is totally not cool. I can’t expect my partner to consider self control if I don’t have any, even though this is not a game of “if you do it, I’ll do it” we can easily slip into that mode. When I looked at the things I purchased outside of our agreement it was ALWAYS food. I didn’t mind splurging on a meal to satisfy a craving. at times I would even blame it on God thinking “Well God knows I’m hungry and he wouldn’t let me starve so let me just purchase some food” When in reality this just shows that I don’t even trust God to provide for me himself without my actions involved. How could I receive a blessing if I quench the process with my own plans.
There are so many areas in my life that I try to gain control and God really just wants me to let it go and enjoy the journey and the process he has planned. God gave me a vision of a woman in the passenger seat going down the highway but there was nobody in the drivers seat. So who was driving? Good question. Then came an audible voice and it said “How can you write and drive at the same time?”. I woke up from that vision with conviction the lord said to me “you’re meant to enjoy the ride and let me drive as you take in the scenery and document the process” I thought to myself how much i’ve taken control and not been able to trust god? Something like that seems totally abnormal, scary, and risky but I know it’s better than my way. I’m deciding to let go of these controlling mechanisms I’ve set in place to “protect me” and just enjoy the journey I’ve been given. Let go and let God.
#itsaprocess
